Friday, 24 December 2010

Mistletoe and Whine.

Looking for some new sounds for your annual Christmas compilation? Look no further, for I bring you (aided and abetted by the always generous Ross Hamilton) a whole bunch of new music especially for the festive season.

First up, and a real treat for all of you Star Wars fans, is Little Johnny Bongiovi (before he stole his sister's hair and reinvented himself as Jon Bon Jovi) singing R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas. Jon’s first ‘real’ recording is taken from the rather rare ’concept’ album Christmas In the Stars, which was released in 1980 but soon vanished from the shops when the company which put it out RSO, went into long and protracted litigation with its star act the Bee Gees. John Bongiovi was (still is, I guess) the cousin of Tony Bongiovi, who co-produced the album with Meco (who had earlier had a hit with a primitive electronic version of the Star Wars theme) and ran the studio at which it was recorded and where John worked at the time. “Star Wars and Christmas don't mix and this is a case in point,” Ross says. “The whole album is terrible and must be heard to be believed.”

Then we have the horrific car crash that is Billy Idol’s hash at White Christmas. Taken from his rarely-seen 2006 album Happy Holidays (and which also contains anodyne versions of Frosty the Snowman, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and Auld Lang Syne amongst its 17 rotten tracks), it’s hardly the former William Broad at his lip-curling best, is it? As Ross says: “I might not have kept up with Billy's recent career (and when I say recent, I mean anything after 1988) but this was a major shock. It reminded me of a drunk pub singer going through one last number at the piano before closing time on Christmas Eve.” I couldn’t have put it better myself.

And finally, and again with unending thanks to Ross Hamilton, I bring you Is There Really A Santa Clause from Red Sovine – who regular visitors to the World’s Worst records will remember for the execrable Teddy Bear. For more on Red, click here. I may be running a Red Sovine Special soon, but until now enjoy this slice of miserable Country hokum.

Happy Christmas one and all! See you in 2011.


  1. 1/13/11 wrote:
    I Had this Album since it was released in 1980,& still have it in my enormous vinyl collection. My parents got it for me as a Christmas present & many years later I still consider it one of the most hillarious/banal albums in my collection. This is no doubt due to Meco's ham-handed arrangements (Especially the mushy 8-minute closer "The Meaning Of Christmas"), but it also has some unintentional funny moments like "What Can You Get A wookee For Christmas"&"Bells, Bells.Bells" (honestly, is R2-D2 that stupid enough to not know anything about bells, Einstien Or Cows, but yet knows what Japanese People are? Silly.)yes, that is the future Jon Bon Jovi six years away from his breakout stardom with Bon Jovi singing "R-2 D-2 We wish You A Merry Christmas" As his real identity Jon Bongiovi, his brother Tony Bongiovi did indeed get him onto this album for a vocal debut, being the producer's sibling did pay off for Jon ,it seems. Many Star Wars Fans do compare this Classic train wreck to the Star Wars Holiday Special of two years earlier, except thankfully, there wasn't a soundtrack of that monstrosity (by 20th Century records or Robert Stigwood, the former prexy of RSO Records)& the story/music of the Holiday Special had nothing really to do with Christmas, but with the non-exsistent Wookie holliday "Earth Day", which mercifully never caught on with Star Wars fans, except probably those who endlessly repeat the bootlegged blogs on the web-sites. Finding the Holliday Special on the on-line blogs is fairly easy, finding a copy of this Christmas album is not, as it fell out of print with RSO Records' demise in 1984. Polygram Records, which bought out RSO never re-issued this LP even on Compact Disc, so Star Wars fans will shill out $20-50 for a used copy if they can find it, even if they hate the music & dialouge inside the grooves.

  2. 1/3/11 wrote:
    Oops, I made an error in the earlier post: the Wookies celebrated LIFE Day, not Earth Day. Sorry about the confusion.

  3. 2/20/11 wrote:
    Well, it seems you learn something new every day, even in the world of record collecting. I just found out on another blog that Rhino Records (now owned by Warner Brothers Records)had just re-issued the "Christmas In the Stars-The Star Wars Christmas" album in compact disc form as far back as 2006. I've personally never found a copy, but I presume it's still in print, with thousands of downloads by Star Wars geeks going around on the blogs, so now you can hear this long-out print train wreck cheaply now. Thanks, Rhino/Warner Brothers(?!?)A whole new generation of Star Wars fans now know about atrocious song-story mush as "The Meaning Of Christmas" in it's re-digitalized 8&- a-half minute horror. If this keeps up, anyone for a future "Star Wars Holiday Special " soundtrack CD? Not as long as George Lucas lives, hopefully.


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