Crappy Christmas!

A little something extra for all of you, a huge thank you for following the blog, joining the Facebook group, reading the books and generally making me feel all smushy inside. 20 terrible Christmas records for you to stream or download - a whole album's worth of dreadful Christmas music. Some have appeared on the blog before, some will be new to you - all are diabolical (with the possible exception of Shonen Knife's Space Christmas, which is simply brilliant).

Shonen Knife – Space Christmas

The Sisterhood - Merry Christmas from Tonga, the Friendly Isle

Robin Laing - I’m the Man Who Slits the Turkeys Throats at Christmas

Dick Kent – A Christmas Rose

C3P0 – A Christmas Sighting

Red Sovine  - Billy’s Christmas Wish

Gene Marshall – Evelyn Christmas

Jon Bongiovi – R2D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Sonny Cash – Merry Christmas Polka

Santa’s Pixie Helpers – the Animal’s Christmas Song

The Happy Crickets - Christmas is for the Family

Norris the Troubadour, Seaboard Coastliners - Christmas Time Philosophy

Dick Kent - If Christmas Could Come In July It's Christmas Card Time Again

Dick Kent - Everywhere You Go on Christmas

Eleanor Shaw - Little Piccolo, the Christmas Elf

Little Marcy – C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S

Madelyn Buzzard - Christmas is the Love Within Your Heart

The Royal Guardsmen – Snoopy’s Christmas

Tiny Tim – I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Father Abraphart and the Smurps – Lick a Smurp For Christmas (All Fall Down)

See you all in 2016!

Christmas Cavalcade 2015 Part Three

Ho! Ho! Ho! Here’s another trio of terrible tinselly tragedies for you, in the shape of the late actor Dan Blocker, former Iron Maiden vocalist Paul Di’Anno and our old friend ‘little’ Marcy Tigner.

Dan Blocker is best remembered for his portrayal of the lovable Eric ‘Hoss’ Cartwright on the TV series Bonanza, which ran from 1959 to 1973, but was axed shortly after Dan died aged 43 of a pulmonary embolism following gall bladder surgery. Dan, who had appeared in a number of western shows – including Gunsmoke, Colt .45, The Restless Gun, Sheriff of Cochise, Cheyenne, The Rifleman, Cimarron City, Zorro, Wagon Train and Jefferson Drum before putting down roots at the Ponderosa Ranch released his version of Deck the Halls on the 1963 album Christmas on the Ponderosa. Featuring all four men in the Cartwright family, this cute little timepiece has since been reissued on CD.

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a decent fright, and nothing in the world of bad records is quite as frightening as the original devil doll Little Marcy, here performing her unique version of the Rosemary Clooney classic Suzy Snowflake from one of the earliest Little Marcy albums Christmas With Marcy.

Finally, Paul Di’Anno’s soulless rendering of the Bing Crosby classic White Christmas comes from the dreadful (and dreadfully misnamed: ‘featuring Denny Laine from Wings’) 1994 album Metal Christmas. I know we kind of ‘did’ heavy metal Christmas last year, but I couldn’t let the season pass without offing this turd up.

Enjoy!

Christmas Cavalcade 2015 Part Two

'On Heavy Metal Christmas my true love gave to me - a tattoo of Ozzy!"

There are certain things that should never happen, no matter what time of year it is. Good will to all men? bah! Humbug! I'm talking, of course, of heavy metal acts covering classic Christmas songs. It's just awful, and it needs to stop.

If they're trying to be sincere, they come across as bombastic and over the top, and if they're trying to be funny they come across as bombastic and over the top. You can't do songs about the birth of Christ if you're supposed to worship satan. Even if you do add a ridiculously over the top guitar solo into the mx. It just ain't right.

And here, to prove my point, are four examples of the genre from some of the giants of the genre, including Ronnie James Dio (Rainbow/Black Sabbath) with Sabbath's guitar legend Tony Iommi and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Alice Cooper (why, Alice? Why?) with Santa Claws is Coming to Town from the 2008 album We Wish You a Metal Xmas; Twisted Sister with Heavy Metal Christmas and Manowar, with their surprisingly straight version of an old christmas carol.

Both Alice (aka Vince Furnier) and Twisted Sister's Dee Snider have gone on record to profess their belief in God; Ronnie James Dio as raised catholic, and according to the late singer's wife, still believed in some sort of superior being. I can't tell you anything about the beliefs of the various members of Manowar, who put out their version of Silent Night in 2013, and frankly I don't really care. Like the other three tracks here, it's shockingly awful.

Enjoy!

Christmas Cavalcade 2015 Part One

Ho ho ho! Yes, it’s that time of year again, time to look at some of the worst Christmas-themed records ever released. And what a doozy I have for you today.

Released in several countries as the B-side to their Jingle Bell Rock, a cover of the 1957 Bobby Helms hit, Jingle Bell Imitations originally appeared (as did its flipside) in the US in 1961 on the LP Bobby Rydell/Chubby Checker – a truly awful album whose ‘highlight’ is a seven minute medley featuring the hitmaking pair singing snatches of each other’s chart toppers. Jingle Bell Rock saw a  UK release in 1962, with a different track - What Are You Doing New Year's Eve - on the B-side.

Chubby, of course, is well known for his hits The Twist, Let’s Twist Again, The Pony and others. He had form: his first release The Class featured him imitating singers including Elvis, Fats Domino… and Bobby Rydell. Rydell is less well remembered here in the UK, although he scored several major US hits in the early 60s, including the Billboard number two Wild One. Both artists were signed to Cameo Parkway records, the company that put out this tosh, and had appeared on each other’s recording sessions before this album. Both artists, now in their 70s, are still performing today, although Rydell’s poor health has caused him to cut down on his work load in recent years.

In 2013 Chubby sued Hewlett Packard over an app that "adversely affects Chubby Checker's brand and value and if allowed to continue, will cause serious damage to the Plaintiff's goodwill and will tarnish his image that he has worked to maintain over the last 50 years." That app, called the Chubby Checker allowed users to enter a man's shoe size to estimate the size of his penis. Chubby’s lawyer (one Willie Gary…seriously, you could not make this stuff up!) was seeking half a billion dollars in damages.

Enjoy!

To download the audio, click on the Tindeck logo and you'll be taken to the download page