Football? Crazy!

As England have recently been forced to accept ignominious defeat in the 2014 FIFA World Cup, this seems to me to be the perfect time to head north of the border, to Scotland, and the Scottish World Cup Squad’s awful 1982 single We Have A Dream. If you think England has performed appallingly, perhaps you should consider the fate of the UK’s other national teams: since WW2 Scotland have never advanced beyond the first round of the finals competition, missing out on progressing to the second round three times on goal difference (according to Wikipedia. Me: I couldn’t give a rat’s arse about the dull game). Wales only appeared in the 1958 World Cup because other countries refused to take part. Northern Ireland have appeared in the finals of the FIFA World Cup on three occasions: 1958, 1982 and 1986.

So, back to Scotland. This dreadful piece of flag-waving Braveheartism comes from the pen of B A Robertson, the Scots singer and composer who had scored several solo hits between 1979 and 1981 with Bang Bang, Knocked it Off and Kool in the Kaftan among them, plus a duet with Maggie Bell and Hold Me. This hideous hymn to nationalism, which actually reached the Top Five, features actor John Gordon Sinclair telling the story of a dream he had about Scottish football success. He later resuscitated this Scottish footballing connection by narrating the 2006 BBC Scotland documentary series That Was the Team That Was. Sinclair is probably best known for his appearance in the films Gregory’s Girl and Local Hero. The single was re-released in 2008 to raise money for the BBC’s annual Children In Need telethon. That version featured a host of celebrities including Samuel L. Jackson, Ashley Jensen, Dougray Scott, Chris Hoy, Ally McCoist, comedian Fred MacAulay and actress Elaine C. Smith along with Sinclair reprising his role.

 

The B-side of the original 1982 version, Wrap Up the Cup I B A Robertson's 'rap' track - is equally heinous, and is also included here.

 

Outside of his solo career, Robertson also co-wrote Carrie and Wired for Sound for Cliff Richard and penned and sang the theme music to the television series the Multi-Coloured Swap Shop (Hello, Hello, although, to be perfectly honest, I can’t recall this song being used: the Swap Shop theme I hear in my head is completely different (Swap Shooooop! Do-do, do-do-do-do-do-do, do, do-do-do-do-do-do…). He also and wrote and sang backing vocals for the Swap Shop spin-off group Brown Sauce's UK Top 20 hit I Wanna Be a Winner: the ‘band’ Brown Sauce was made up of Swap Shop presenters Keith Chegwin, Maggie Philbin and Noel Edmonds. I’ve included both sides of the latter release here for you, just as a reminder of how truly awful the early 80s could be.

Enjoy!