As I’m sure you are already aware, this weekend sees the final of the 62nd Eurovision Song Contest, the annual celebration of all that is camp, kitsch and ridiculous in music. The Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) was once limited to a few countries in Europe but is now open to just about anyone, including those well-known European states Israel and Australia.
Although it has been going on for longer than anyone
involved has been alive, that the voting system has been corrupted by the
eastern European and formerly-USSR members all voting for each other and
irrespective of the fact that the contest has not launched a significant
international star since 1988 (Celine Dion, fact fans), this pointless exercise
in foolishness continues to trundle on. It’s no coincidence that the theme tune
to the contest is called ‘Tedium’…
The show is a joke; staged in Kiev, this year’s theme
‘celebrate diversity’ has already been urinated all over by the refusal of the Ukrainians
to allow the Russian entry – sung by a wheelchair-using former paralympian – to
participate. And you already know that half of Europe will vote the United
Kingdom’s entry down thanks to Brexit. Hey ho! The occasional bright spot (the
fabulous Conchita Wurst putting those homophobic Ruskies in their place, for
example) really is lost in a miasma of butter-churning, breast-baring peasants,
rubber-masked metalheads, and talentless bimbos and himbos la-la-la-ing while
they prance around the stage.
We probably don’t deserve any votes anyway: in recent years
the majority of UK entries have been utterly appalling. Who can forget the
terrible Jemini, led by convicted fraudster Gemma Abbey? Their out-of-tune
rendition of Cry Baby was the first
Brit entry to score no points at all, with the group ending up 26th out of the
26 acts performing that year. How about Scooch, the ridiculous, camp as
Christmas pseudo flight attendants who wanted you to chow down on their salty
nuts (22nd out of 24 entries)? Or the world’s worst rapper Daz Sampson and his
worryingly paedophilic Teenage Life (19th out of 24 acts). It’s gotten so bad that we’ve even trundled out
ancient plastic surgery disaster Englebert Humperdink, whose off-key vocal on Love
Will Set You Free in 2012 was, quite
frankly, an embarrassment.
Well, in case you had forgotten here they all are, in all of
their glory ESC-headlining stealing glory.
Enjoy!
I was unable to watch any of these songs all the way through!
ReplyDelete