But it's almost Christmas, and what would this time of year be without a handful of festive failures for you? that's right, it's time for the first installment of the annual Christmas Cavalcade! Hold on to your Santa hats...
So, enjoy these three tracks for now... there will be more soon!
Download Chipmunk HERE
Download Snow HERE
Download Happy HERE
I've also been publicising my latest book, Queer Blues, and a lot of my time has been taken up writing my next book - more about that as we get closer to publication day.
But I have been remiss: It's been months since I brought you any silliness, so here is something that will hopefully keep you all happy until this year's Christmas Cavalcade begins.
I found this particular disc recently when looking around for something I had not previously played on my WFMU programme, The World's Worst Records Radio Show. Happily, this little treasure of well-meaning Christian pop was discovered more than a decade ago by our friend and song-poem collector Bob Purse, and posted on the now-defunct WFMU blog... is that serendipity or synchronicity?
I really don't know where to begin with this nonsense. Don't Be Left Behind, Pig in Mud (II Peter 2:22), and Look at The Mess were all written by G.M. Fretto, and issued in 1984 on a three-track EP credited to Farinella-Siena-Fretto. The same three tracks also turned up on the 1986 album by Mi'Chelle Nelson, Don't Be Left Behind. Messers Gerald Fretto, Joe Farinella and Mark Siena all appear on that record too, although this time Siena is credited as Mark Sena. Both album and EP were released by G.M. Fretto Records - the only products, as far as I am aware, ever to appear on the label.
Based in Rochester, New York, Mister Fretto and his crew specialised in a peculiar jazz/God rock hybrid. Instrumentally, the opening track Don't Be Left Behind has elements of jazz, funk, and progressive rock, and is accompanied by some ill-fitting lyrics about spiritual redemption. The title, one assumes, comes from the idea that should you not have sought absolution for your sins you will be left behind when God (in whatever form he or she chooses) decides to revisit our planet and gather up the faithful.
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Searching Discogs you will find no further releases from Farinella-Siena-Fretto or from Mi'Chelle Nelson, and neither Joe Farinella nor Mark Siena appear to have recorded anything else. However, as Jerry Fretto, our man has issued at least three albums of Christian praise, the most recent being the 2012 collection The Joy Ahead. He had a period of ill health following his last album but happily is still around today, as is Mark Siena, who now works at the Calvary Chapel in Niagra; sadly I could find no trace of Joe Farinella, but I hope he is healthy and well.
Here are all three tracks from the wonderfully odd EP by Farinella-Siena-Fretto: enjoy!
Download Behind HERE
Download Pig HERE
Download Mess HERE
How wrong I was.
I had presumed, you see, that the crucifix-like symbol emblazoned
across the artist’s ensemble had some sort of religious connection. Now, thanks
to the ever-wonderful Thrift Store Vinyl YouTube channel I know better. It is,
in fact, the logo of the National Tuberculosis Association, for the Mad-Hatters
(or the Mad Hatters) album – believe it or not - is a collection of ‘comedy’
songs about tuberculosis. 19 of them, some under a minute long, with titles
such as I Had Tuberculosis, T B Girls, Soft is the Voice of a
Fungus and the singalong hit Pneumonoultramicroscopic-silocovolcanokoniosis.
A product of the Greene County Tuberculosis Society of Springfield,
Missouri, the album carries no date, but I would suggest it pre-dates Van
Morrison’s T B Sheets by a couple of years. The cover mentions Admiral
Asterbloom, a character from US comic strip Mr. Abernathy, which ran for
three decades from 1957, and the song Pneumonoultramicroscopic-silocovolcanokoniosis
references Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious from the soundtrack to the
1964 film Mary Poppins, so it would be a fairly safe bet to say that the
album dates from no earlier than 1965 and, judging by the quality of the cover –
one of those old-type US covers with a slick pasted onto a blank white cardboard
sleeve – I would suggest that it was most likely issued before the end of the
decade.
But who were the Mad Hatters themselves? Were they two nurses
– or volunteers – working on a Missouri TB ward who thought they could raise a
few dollars by selling an album of their silly songs? No doubt a few copies sold,
as it turns up for sale now and again, but not many I would assume. The album
originally came with an insert offering people the chance to purchase more
copies at $3.25 apiece; I wonder how many actually took them up on that offer?
As usual, if you have any more information please feel free
to share it. In the meantime, enjoy a couple of tracks from the brilliantly
bonkers The Mad Hatters.
Download I Had Tuberculosis HERE
Download Nurses Marching Song HERE
True, there was a magazine called Hit Parader. A pop music monthly, it ran from 1942 until 2008 and printed song lyrics, articles, pin up pictures and the usual teen fare. There was clearly a link between that and the label – both were based in Derby, Connecticut, and the discs were advertised extensively in the pages of the magazine - but that’s about where the truth in the Discogs description ends.
I would seriously question the notion that ‘These records were made as a statement to the music industry’, and that the magazine ‘Wanted to show that it could be done cheaper with the same quality,’ too. The records were not produced to ‘stick it to the man’, but to make money, and the quality is nothing like as good as that of the similar product marketed by a major label.
The label began,
in the late 1950s, as Song Hits, offering six covers of recent chart singles by
anonymous performers for ‘The giveaway price of just 69 cents’, as their own advertising
claimed. Handily, readers of the magazine could pick up the latest disc at
their newsagent. Similar schemes had existed since at least the 1930s: Hit of
the Week and Durium, both launched in the early 1930s, were flexible records
sold at newsstands in the States, but by the 950s and the advent of the 45,
hard vinyl records marketed in this way were becoming more popular, and far
cheaper to produce.
Enjoy!
Download Leader HERE
Download Vibrations HERE
It's been a while... my apologies for the (quite literal) radio silence of late. It's been a busy few months, with a new book about to be published and a house move taking place, so I hope you'll forgive me.
Working from home, Beyer began deconstructing the Beatles in the 1980s, taking their original recordings to pieces, removing the original vocals, and adding his own off-key ramblings. It's a karaoke car crash, leaving enough of the original song intact so that even the casual listener would instantly recognise it, before that same listener is beaten around the head by the onslaught of Beyer's voice. It is both unnerving and fascinating.
Looking not unlike the late Daniel Johnston (who, of course, also adored the Beatles) Beyer - and his tape deck - has been performing live since 1985; he has performed in Brazil, Namibia, France, Austria, and Iceland, and has even played the legendary Hamburg club the Indra, the very same place that the Fabs made their German debut in August 1960. In his spare time, (while working by day in a candle factory) he made short animated films and did some bit-work in German films, but it was for his all-consuming passion for the Beatles that he achieved fame (of sorts).
Have a listen to a couple of examples of his work and see what you think.
Enjoy!
Download Hey Jude HERE
Download All Together Now HERE
This singing moppet was initially presented to the world as
a genderless star of the future - on some of their 45 sleeves Chou-Chou is styled
as a girl, on others they look more boyish, possibly subscribing to Eddie
Izzard’s maxim that ‘They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes.’ The
genderfluid outlook was enhanced somewhat by the choice of material, with songs
such as Je Ne Suis Pas Une Fille à Papa (I am Not a Daddy’s Girl).
But she was a young girl, related in some way to Sicilian
singer Di Quinto Rocco, born Rocco Befumo in May 1949; apparently, he chose the ‘di
Quinto’ prefix as he was fed up with always coming fifth in singing competitions.
According to Discogs, Baby Chou-Chou is Rocco’s Goddaughter, but I believe she
may actually be his niece: at one point in the 1980s, he was performing with said
niece, Christine Befumo, who now appears to be working in Italy and no longer
involved in showbusiness. I have not been able to verify yet if Chou-Chou and
Christine are one and the same, there is absolutely nothing about her on the ‘net
or in any of the press archives I subscribe to, but I suspect as much.
The majority of Baby Chou-Chou’s output appeared on the
Little Star label, a company that specialised in singing kiddies and that appears
to have been owned by Di Quino Rocco. Other ‘singers’ (and I use that word
advisedly) on the label include pre-teen boy Filippo Di Curto, the teeny winner
of a kiddie talent show Pamela Chiffi, and Franco Befumo, Di Quino’s son. Most
of the songs issued by the company were written (or co-written) by Rocco
Befumo.
Anyway, until more detail can be uncovered about the young
lady herself, here are a couple of tracks from her discography, namely the
A-side of her 1988 single (her last, I believe) La Bière Aux Chocolats
and, from 1986, On m’Appelle Belle (They Call Me Pretty).
Enjoy!
Download Biere HERE
Download Belle HERE
Johns grew up in Pietermaritzburg, South Africa, and served
as a deckhand in the South African navy during World War II. After the war, and
following a short period working in accountancy, he became involved in amateur
theatre. In 1948 he bought a one-way ticket to Britain and learned his craft
working in repertory theatre at Southend-on-Sea. One of the first roles he was
offered was in a Christmas musical, which he turned down as he felt he did not
have the vocal chops. He did, however, stay with the company for almost five
years, and during that time changed his name, dropping ‘Alan’ and becoming known,
simply, as Stratford Johns.
Early film appearances included a bit-part in the classic
Ealing comedy The Ladykillers (1955), and, in 1957, he made his British
TV debut in the Associated-Rediffusion series Destination Downing Street,
but it was as Barlow that he would become one of the most familiar and popular
faces on British television. Charlie Barlow appeared in five TV series, four as
the star: Z-Cars (1962–1965); Softly, Softly (1966–1969), Softly,
Softly: Taskforce (1969–1972), and Barlow at Large (1971-1975,
retitled Barlow in its final seasons). The character appeared for a
final time in 1976, in the series Second Verdict.
Johns’s film appearances include 1970’s Cromwell, with
Richard Harris and Sir Alec Guinness. Later roles included appearances in the George
and Mildred movie, the 1980 big screen version of the popular sitcom, and
in Ken Russell’s 1988 films Salome's Last Dance and The Lair of the
White Worm. His many stage credits include Daddy Warbucks in the original
West End run of Annie, and the Ghost of Christmas Present in the stage
adaptation of the film musical Scrooge. Guest appearances on TV include The
Avengers, Department S, Doctor Who, Great Expectations,
Blake's 7 and I, Claudius. He can be seen, alongside Clare Grogan
and Moly Weir in the video for Young at Heart, the 1984 hit by Scots
band The Bluebells. One of his final roles was in the TV series Heartbeat.
Outside of acting, he and his wife (and her aunt) ran a
hotel and bar for actors in St Martin’s Lane (which opened during the 1950s and
closed in 1976), and in the mid-1960s there was a popular photographer used by
members of the acting profession, the Stratford Johns Studio, in Marble
Arch. He was also the author of the children's book Gumphlumph, which he
read on the children's television series Jackanory and narrated for album
release.
But that’s not why we’re here, is it? We are here because,
in 1965, he released an album Stratford Johns Sings, on His Master’s
Voice. A selection of ballads which, as he himself admits in the sleeve notes,
were chosen ‘quite deliberately’ because they were ‘square’. It’s a delight:
Johns’ stentorian voice blasts its way through 14 songs, including Summertime,
Beautiful Dreamer, and How to Handle a Woman. In other hands it
could have been awful; somehow Stratford Johns Sings manages to be
charming, if a little amateur and vainglorious. It’s clear, though, that the
actor knows his limitations: on the back cover Johns writes about how he has
taken singing lessons but that he realises his voice has been somewhat ravaged by
too much drinking and smoking. He even enlists his children, offering their
opinions on his vocal abilities. The producer of the album goes unnamed, but I’ll
lay you a pound to a penny that the man behind this was Norman Newell, one of
EMI’s in-house A&R men, whose career I touch on in my book The Velvet Mafia.
Johns died on 29 January 2002: his wife, Nanette Ryder (the daughter
of actors Morris/Maurice Parsons and Mona Ewins), who he had married in March
1955, outlived him by four years and two days.
Here are a couple of tracks from Stratford Johns Sings: You Stepped Out of a Dream and You Do Something To Me. Enjoy!
Download Stepped HERE
Download Something HERE
