Meet Los Punk Rockers, the Spanish act who, in 1978, covered track-by-track the entire Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols album for their one-off cash-in Los Exitos de Sex Pistols.
A swiftly-produced rip-off of
the Sex Pistols’ only album proper, rumours persist that the band playing on
the album is Spanish rock act Asfalto, formed
in 1972 and, up until that point, best known for their cassette-only release Tribute to the Beatles, another note-for-note collection of
covers. Having compared the two recordings I can report that there are
similarities; I contacted the manager of Asfalto recently and asked him if nay
members of the band were involved in the Los Exitos de Sex Pistols project,
but he has yet to answer. If anyone knows for sure, please do get in touch.
Whoever it is, they hardly
covered themselves in glory. The band sound like they’ve had less than ten
minutes to learn the material and the vocalist has clearly never heard the
original recording, performing a phonetic approximation of John Lydon’s
agitprop lyrics in a pantomime villain voice.
The uncredited producer’s
attempt to disguise the singer’s failings by slathering his vocals with reverb
fails abysmally. The lyrics to Bodies, for
example, bear little relation to the original
She was a nowhere, a conscious
baby
She had a little bondage cash
queenShe was an hour ago
She was a lot of cow
Hey! I’m gonna like them all!
Hey! I’m gonna like them all!
The chant I’m a lazy sod from Seventeen becomes I’m a lazy seven. John Lydon may once have been an angry young man (rather than the butter-peddling, tweed-wearing upstanding member of the establishment that he’s become) but at no time did he ever sing the line we’re so pretty, oh so pretty, we will cut her. Anarchy in the UK is certainly anarchic, but for all the wrong reasons. It’s an almost unrecognisable parody of itself; punk rock performed by a wedding band, with the bride’s tone-deaf grandfather on vocals. It’s bonkers and brilliant, and you have to hear it.
But buyer beware: original
copies of Los Existos... are almost impossible to
find these days and cost a small fortune when they do turn up for sale.
Thankfully, for those of us with more shallow pockets, the album has been pirated on at least two different occasions,
making it accessible even if it is via the black market. If you’re holding out
for the real thing then the fakes are easy to spot: the first pirate pressings
are missing the Nevada Records logo from the bottom right-hand corner of the
front sleeve and the disc’s labels are printed in shades of pink. The second
batch of copies feature the logo and the correct label colours (brown &
orange) but are missing the address of the record company on the rear of the
sleeve and use translucent rather than opaque yellow lettering on the front (as in the image above).
This pressing is also on very heavy vinyl. Both copies feature the date (1978) on the top right hand corner of the rear
sleeve. Originals do not.
Here's a handful of tracks
from Los Exitos de Sex Pistols for you to
marvel at: Anarchy in the UK, Pretty Vacant and, of course, the supremely silly Bodies.
Download Vacant HERE
Download Bodies HERE
"a pantomime villain voice" yeah that's pretty accurate...
ReplyDeleteSome supremely awful records are in a way compelling and can be listended to all the way through. Not these, though. Just total crap. Probably the worst most unlistenable rubbish you have posted. Looking forward to more.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to hearing these acts of sacrilege upon the BBC/Guardian set's principle point of reference.
ReplyDeleteGot a rather good cheapo compilation from a bin at the checkout in Morrison's(!) a year or three back, Studio 99 - 'Punk', opening track was a home-studio rendering of Lydon as Norman Wisdom having a nervous breakdown. 99 pence well spent.
We're so pretty, oh so pretty....we're Will Carter!
ReplyDeleteThat's what it is! I thought he was singing 'we will cut her'!!
DeleteThanks for this most interesting post. I hope you include Los Punk Rockers in the next volume of your literary series. The first one was very entertaining.
ReplyDeleteNathan.G
Thanks Nathan! They'll definitely feature in Volume Two: I'm trying to track down some more info on the recording for the next book
ReplyDelete